9 MIN READ

Power Up Your No Contact

S. Smith
Relationship Psychology Tactician


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The Post-Breakup Recovery Guide (The Fastest Way To Get Your Ex Back)


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You will learn:

What is the fastest way to heal after a breakup/divorce
How can you recover your relationship (getting your ex back)
How can you fight the most dangerous post-breakup experience ("The Waves")
How to track your progress during no contact

The no contact method - a tried and true strategy for moving on from a past relationship and for getting your ex back. It's so simple: cut off all communication with your ex. No phone calls, no texts, no social media, no in-person communication. It's like your ex never existed. However, it takes a strong person to use the no contact method - if you break it, expect trouble.


So, how can you utilize the no contact method to recover after a breakup or a divorce the fastest way possible? And, what's important for most people: is it possible to get your ex back using no contact, or is it just a catchy header to attract you for another expensive coaching session? Let's find out.

Why you should use the no contact method

man holds woman in his hands during sunset
To put it simply, no contact is the natural reaction to being dumped, one of the fastest methods of self-recovery, and a way to get your ex back.

There are three ways of recovery in our arsenal:
The No Contact (strategy/rule/method)
The Ignoring Strategy
The Distancing
The distancing is used when you can't stop interactions with your ex. The ignoring strategy is the ultimate form of no contact when you're ignoring pings from your ex.

How to track your progress during no contact

Here are 5 stages that you will experience during no contact. In every stage, you're not calling or texting your ex. Even if it's their birthday.

No Contact Stage 1: The initial stage

depressed man sitting in the shower
The initial stage: This is the first and perhaps the most difficult stage of no contact. You may feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and heartbreak. It can be tempting to reach out to your ex, but it's important to resist this urge and give yourself time to heal.

During this stage, it's common to feel a sense of loss and uncertainty. It's important to remember that these feelings are normal and will pass with time.

It can also be tempting to try to fill the void left by your ex with other people (which will not help). While it's okay to take time for yourself and focus on your own needs, it's important to be careful not to rush into anything new too quickly.

No Contact Stage 2: The withdrawal

man walks with a surf board near the seashore
During this phase, you may feel a sense of detachment from your ex. You may not think about them as much and start to focus on other things in your life. This is a natural part of the healing process and a sign of your recovery.

The withdrawal phase is not a sign that you have moved on or forgotten about your ex. It's normal to have thoughts or feelings about them from time to time. However, it's also important to focus on the present and not get too caught up in the past.

You may start to focus on other aspects of your life and may not think about your ex as much. You may start to rediscover hobbies or activities that you enjoyed before the relationship, or may start to focus on your career or other personal goals. This can be a productive and empowering time, as you start to focus on your own well-being and growth.

It's also important to be patient with yourself during this phase. Healing from a past relationship takes time, and it's important to allow yourself the space and time to process your emotions and move on at your own pace. It's okay to take things slow and to seek support from friends and family if you need it.

No Contact Stage 3: The Recovery

man in a blue shirt thinking
The recovery phase: In this stage, you may start to accept that the relationship is over and that you need to move on. You may also begin to see the positive aspects of being single and start to embrace your independence. This stage is marked by a recognition that the relationship is over and a willingness to move on. You may feel a sense of freedom and relief, knowing that you are no longer tied to your ex and can make decisions that are best for you. This can be an empowering and liberating time, as you start to focus on your own growth and well-being.

It's important to remember that acceptance does not mean that you have completely moved on or forgotten about your ex. It's normal to have thoughts or feelings about them from time to time, and it's important to allow yourself to feel and process these emotions. However, it's also important to focus on the present and not get too caught up in the past.

One way to move forward during this phase is to work on forgiveness, both for yourself and for your ex. Forgiving yourself allows you to let go of any guilt or blame that you may be carrying, and forgiving your ex allows you to move on and release any anger or resentment that you may be holding onto. It's important to remember that forgiveness does not mean condoning any hurtful behavior, but rather recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that it's time to move on.

It's also important to be patient with yourself during this phase. Healing from a past relationship takes time, and it's important to allow yourself the space and time to process your emotions and move on at your own pace. It's okay to take things slow and to seek support from friends and family if you need it.

No Contact Stage 4: The growth

man climbing the mountain during the sunset
During this phase, you may start to focus on your own needs and priorities and may start to work on personal goals or projects. You may also start to feel more confident in yourself and your ability to be independent. This can be a liberating and empowering time, as you start to focus on your own growth and well-being.

It's important to remember that the growth phase does not mean that you have completely moved on or forgotten about your ex. It's normal to have thoughts or feelings about them from time to time, and it's important to allow yourself to feel and process these emotions. However, it's also important to focus on the present and not get too caught up in the past.

One way to move forward during this phase is to work on developing a strong support network. This can include friends, family, or even a therapist or coach. It's important to surround yourself with people who are supportive and positive, and who can help you stay focused on your own growth and well-being.

It's also important to be open to new experiences and opportunities during this phase. While it's important to take care of yourself and focus on your own growth, it's also important to be open to the possibility of finding love again in the future. This can mean being open to meeting new people, trying new activities, or exploring new interests.

The growth phase of no contact with your ex is the final stage in the healing process. It's marked by a focus on personal growth and well-being, and a readiness to move on and start a new chapter in your life.

How to speed-run your no contact and pass all its stages in a matter of 2-3 months

You can quickly get over a breakup and stop your post-breakup anxiety by following two simple steps or exercises. These steps are time-tested with years of practice and are focused on both affecting your pre-frontal cortex and the limbic system.
The first step will take immediate effect in a matter of days
The second step will have a long-term healing effect

How to determine if you regressed in your healing process during no contact

drunk man lying near the sofa
During every stage of no contact, you may start to think about the good times you shared with your ex and may feel a sense of longing for the past. Your thoughts may turn to whether you made the right decision when ending the relationship. You may feel a sense of regret for things you did or didn't do in the relationship. It's important to allow yourself to feel and process these thoughts and feelings.

This experience does not mean that you have regressed in your healing process. The feeling of nostalgia or longing for the past is normal, and it's important to let yourself feel and process it. At the same time, it's very important to keep your eyes on the present and not get caught up in the past.

The most dangerous post-breakup experience

depressed woman put her hands over her head
And no, it's not a reunion.

I call this experience "waves": It can feel like you've finally come to terms with the breakup and have moved on from your ex, only to be hit with a wave of nostalgia and longing for them. These feelings can be particularly strong if you were in a long-term or intense relationship, as the hormonal bond and connection you shared with your ex can be difficult to completely sever. You might experience "The Waves" during every stage of no contact.

At first, it may seem like you've successfully moved on and are ready to start a new chapter in your life. You may have even convinced yourself that you've completely forgotten about your ex and are ready to move on. But then, seemingly out of nowhere, the memories and feelings you thought you had left behind come crashing back. It's like you're starting no contact all over again, and you may feel tempted to reach out to your ex, even though you know it's not a good idea.

These waves of emotion can be difficult to navigate, and it's important to remember that it's completely normal to experience them. It's not uncommon for people to go through ups and downs during the no contact period, as it can be a challenging and emotional process. It's important to be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time and space to heal and process your feelings.

One way to cope with "The Waves" during no contact is to bomb yourself with new experiences. It works well because a wave usually lasts only a few weeks. Also, the second step of the breakup painkiller mentioned above will likely help.

The best alternative to No Contact: The Ignoring Strategy

When you receive the first ping message from your ex (for example, the famous "how are you" or "I miss you" message) which is basically a simple check of your availability, you have the option to transform your no contact into the ignoring strategy.

I always recommend thinking about it to my clients, because answering ping messages doesn't really make sense and is actually an example of weak behavior: they leave you, go on an adventure, and then ask how are you doing. It will be a mistake to think that it's an honest question. In 99% of all cases, it's a test if you're still there. It doesn't matter how you respond; it's the fact of you responding that matters and gives them the "I am here" signal. When you give your ex this signal, they feel relieved (you're still there for them so there are no repercussions to continuing their adventures), and your no contact basically gets a soft restart.

How to use the no contact method if you work together, or if you two have kids

You can't use the no contact method if you can't stop interactions with your ex. The only choice is distancing. We will discuss it in-depth in future articles, so be sure to subscribe. For now, I can only say that it's the most difficult method of recovery - but, at the same time, the most powerful one.

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What happens to your ex during no contact

It doesn't really matter, I'll be honest with you. The fact is: at some point in their life, they will try to get back to you. After 5 years of practicing and helping people, I can assure you that people do not really move on. Especially those who quickly jump from one relationship to another. In general, your ex will try to get back to you after 3 to 4 months, or after 9 to 10 months of no contact (if they left you for someone else). There are some exceptions, of course, but their amount is insignificant.

So, you can relax now. If your no contact is efficient, you will be ready for their attempt to get back to you, and it will be your choice whether to accept them or not. As a man who rejects half-measures and good-enough results, I'd say: there is no second chance for those who failed to estimate your true value once.

Two ultimate video guides to give you even MORE power

How To Use No Contact In The MOST Efficient Way (10 Factors in 9 Minutes)
Top 5 Myths About No Contact (Check Your Coach)
With the information in this article, you can level up your understanding of the no contact method. Now you can recover faster, and, if you want, you can get your ex back.

Take care.
Become stronger.

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Key Points


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No contact method helps you restore your personal strength. Getting your ex back is a side-effect of your recovery.
There are 4 general stages of recovery. It doesn't mean you regressed If you feel nostalgic.
To be truly effective, think about transforming your no contact into the ignoring strategy

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