How to stop your partner from cheating on you

We assume there was a time when:

• Your relationship was satisfying for both of you
• It was not based on you chasing your ex, doing everything for them while getting nothing in return, or being emotionally invested while your partner was always distant

If there was such a time, we can bring it back. If not, your relationship was probably imbalanced from the start - in that case, it’s almost impossible to keep it alive for a long time. A recovery is still an option, but we’d need to take drastic measures to restore the power balance (such as the ignoring strategy).

To stop your partner from cheating, we need to understand the reasons why stable relationships turn into rubble, sometimes in a matter of weeks (or so it seems).

I’ll tell you this upfront: breakups do not happen quickly.
They are preceded by a certain buildup, a change in the balance. And it’s not easy to spot a slow and gradual change. Especially if it goes on for years. But we can do it - I’ll show you how. Look for the most common indicators hidden in the behavior of your spouse:

The most common indicators:

Now try to remember the first time you experienced any of these signs.
This would be the answer to your question of when it all began.

It’s not necessarily the point when they started cheating - it’s just the point when the power balance shifted enough for them to consider such a possibility.

It’s very important to choose your partners carefully. Not everyone is capable of committing such a despicable act, of course. If you’re reading this article, you’ve probably encountered a person who’s capable, unfortunately.

But, if your partner cheats on you, one criterion must be met: you must be in a weak power position. Without this criterion, even a person of low moral character might never cheat on you and would be afraid to lose you. The power in the relationship belongs to the partner who is less emotionally involved. This is the sad truth of life.

When I experienced my breakup 7 years ago, I thought the main indicators of problems
in my relationship were the following:

After recovering my own relationship and years of practicing and helping people, I’ve created a short checklist you can use to determine if you’re in a weak position:

If you find yourself in a weak position and your partner is prone to affairs, your whole relationship is at risk.

Life events that usually precede breakups (can apply to you or your spouse) are listed below. These are the major sources of situational imbalance in your relationship:

During these events, the power balance might shift in such a way that your weak position will become even weaker. But when handled properly, you can improve your position. Check the previous paragraph – if, during these events, only you take responsibility, only you are anxious or jealous, and you need more attention from your partner while they need less, the relationship becomes imbalanced.

And the weak will always face a future where they are anxious, worried, and jealous.
I believe that you do not deserve such a fate.
Not on my watch.

As you might already understand, the only effective way is to leave the weak power position. It’s that simple.

But how do we determine the optimal value of your emotional “involvement?” It depends on many parameters. Fifty percent on your side and 50% on your partner’s side would be a perfect combination, but when they are distant and close to cheating on you - basically, giving you zero (meaning not being involved in the relationship at all) - the only response might be giving them zero as well. Most people who manage to leave a weak position stop being anxious and nervous - it’s hard to be anxious when you’re in control. The relationship is then restored almost automatically.

How can we improve your position? Obviously, you cannot achieve it by doing exact same things you’ve been doing all this time. Providing more care, being closer and closer, and being warm will not help. Doing this at a larger scale will not help either.

To become strong, independent, and attractive again, we need to do exactly the opposite:

If you only see some distance from your partner and only suspect an affair, it’s enough to distance yourself a little as a response. Yes, your greatest chance for strengthening your relationship lies in you shifting your emotional energy away from it.

This doesn’t mean trying to stop loving your partner or playing hard to get, because distancing is not a game. It means trying to get more balance into your own life. Some will need to reclaim personal strengths that faded as their relationship problems grew. Others may need to build new strengths. You must make a conscious decision to withdraw emotionally from your partner in both cases.

How? Put more focus on your own business, your own life. Spend more time doing things you enjoy. You can improve your position by focusing on your own life and becoming more independent.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. How did I spend my free time before I started dating my partner?
2. Do I have personal goals outside of this relationship and am I on track to achieve them?
3. What is the status of my social life outside the relationship?

Then, create a plan of your activities for the following week or month.
Simple examples include:

After that, stick to the plan.

We guarantee that you will feel more fulfilled, busy, balanced, and less dependent and victimized. The dynamics between you and your loved one will change in a positive way. Why does distancing work so well? It boosts your autonomy, spontaneity, and attractiveness. But this topic deserves a separate article.

If the power balance is completely destroyed (you’re providing 100%, and your partner gives you zero) or your partner has already cheated on you, we’ll need a strong and bold preemptive strike: a breakup or a divorce followed by the ignoring strategy. Yes, not being afraid to break up is a good way to save a relationship (if you want to save such a relationship).

Do not be shocked. This is a time-tested solution. And the reinstatement of your relationship should only occur on your terms and under your conditions.

If you think you are not ready to take decisive measures now, you can continue your line of behavior or try different, less drastic solutions. We can only warn you that when your relationship is not balanced and your “partner” disrespects you, doesn’t love you, and commits the ultimate crime - cheats on you - the breakup is imminent. It will be initiated by your partner when they feel like it.

But it’s up to you - afterward, you can still come here, and we’ll find a solution anyway. It’s just that the situation will be worse and we’ll need more work to get results.