The only reason why more than 50% of all couples divorce
Savva Smith Entrepreneur, Coach
The True Reason Why Men And Women Have Their Marriages Ruined
You will learn:
1. The only reason why stable relationships turn into rubble
2. How to spot a problem as early as possible
3. What is the most dangerous source of situational imbalance in your relationship
4. How to quickly stabilize and recover your relationship
The shocking discovery that changed the way I see breakups
As a result of my own breakup, I was left with dozens of questions and hundreds of possible answers. My mind was filled with uncertainty, I was anxious, and I was torn apart by the unknowability of the situation. There was no satisfactory answer to 'why' it happened. There was no authority who could help me. I was surrounded by vague answers, nonsensical logic, or just things that my gut just rejected outright.
It was so long, so long time ago, but I still remember my top 10 possible reasons list (my ex provided the majority of these reasons, I have to admit):
I worked too much
I worked hard, but not enough
I cared too much
I didn't care
There's something wrong with me
There's something wrong with her
I am selfish
She is selfish
All of this has nothing to do with reality, of course (after reading this article, can you name one exception from this list that appeared to be legit?). I also thought that a breakup is a normal thing (it is not) and it is normal to 'let go' (whatever this means).
Two relationship consultants in a row told me that some questions just could not be answered. But, fortunately, I was very arrogant, and this arrogance helped me. I wanted my answers, and I wanted to get my ex back. After two years of research and practice, I found all the answers I needed. I then started helping my friends, and then their friends, polishing the solution, and at last, found myself helping people around the world.
The primary advantage of this solution is that you can test it for yourself - quickly. No need for theorizing, no need for serious thinking - you can just execute, get the results, and only then, when you're calm, use your mind to reassess the situation. The power of this technique is in the limbic system. The ancient mechanisms in our brains that control us are very powerful, they're primal - and yet, they are very simple.
Sometimes you can spend hours, days, or even months trying to explain to your couple how much you love them, and how important this relationship is for both of you. Some men and women have the experience of begging their exes to come back for months. Experience of sending them expensive gifts. And, in the end, their exes become even more indifferent and angry. But when these men and women try different, effective methods, sometimes even the simplest, bold moves - their exes are at their doors. Literally. I occasionally receive messages from my clients with something like 'he/she is in my courtyard and wants to get in - is it the final stage of the no contact? should I let them in?'
Here is why men and women have their marriages ruined - because there is an imbalance in power between them.
One of the most dangerous sources of imbalance that puts your relationship at risk
Situational imbalance in your relationship is primarily caused by these factors (may apply to you or your spouse):
getting a new job
gaining or losing a substantial amount of money
taking on large tasks, responsibilities, or projects
getting married, having a baby
dealing with the rebellion of your teenager or moving in with your elderly parents
being diagnosed with a disabling illness, experiencing a tragic accident, or losing a family member
It's completely normal to support each other during good or bad times. This is one of the reasons relationships exist, in the end.
But, if one partner demands more and more attention and care, becomes dependent, sacrifices their health, career, hobby, money - for the sake of the other partner - the latter eventually loses interest. No matter how kind, smart or noble this partner is, it happens automatically and cannot be controlled by conscious effort.
We will surely cover every single source of imbalance in the future, but for now, we'll discuss only one of them: conflicts. A conflict itself is an indicator of an existing imbalance. A conflict is usually initiated by a strong side that wants to get even more power. This desire is unconscious. What's crucial: when a conflict occurs - one or another party gains or loses power dramatically. And the more power over the relationship you have, the less emotionally involved you are. The end of a relationship can sometimes be the result of only a few conflicts.
In a balanced relationship, there are no conflicts. The atmosphere is free of fighting, arguments, or hysteria. The emotional climate is stable. It's generally a sign that your relationship has serious problems if you find yourself involved in conflicts with your partner. If your partner initiates conflicts, and you are the one to apologize and make peace talks, the balance shifts in their 'favor'. Rapidly. After each quarrel, they will push you more and more, and in the end, they will lose interest.
We only discussed one source of imbalance. This is just an example for you to understand the concept of The Power Balance.
There are numerous ways to improve your position:
Stand your ground.
Do not let them victimize you.
Use healthy distancing - one of the best ways to restore the power balance. The best way to strengthen your relationship is to shift your emotional energy away from it. You might think it's a paradox, but it works - give it a try. Reclaim personal strengths that faded as your relationship problems grew or build new strengths.
If you are strong, you are attractive.
It is inevitable that the weak will experience anxiety, worry, and jealousy. Our world is a cruel place.
You deserve better than this.
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You already know the answer. Because there is no proper balance in your relationship. Why would anyone not take you for granted - if you do not value yourself? You're investing your precious time, your love, your life, and your soul - and in the end, get nothing in return. Even the good people might get used to that.
Divorces and breakups are the results of this imbalance. If they take you for granted, they are not afraid to lose you. Some people, while in an imbalanced relationship, start seeking affairs almost instantly. They do not value what they have, they see no spontaneity, and they start searching for it on the side. And the fact that they're making such a choice is important, of course, but it's your choice that can change everything.
If you learn the concept of the power balance, you will understand that it actually describes a very natural way of life. And, in truly stable and balanced relationships, you do not need to think about the balance: when you master the balance, you forget about it. Everything just 'flows'. You are happy and calm, you are having the best time of your life.
At the core of every divorce there is always an imbalance of power
To control a problematic relationship, you have to learn to notice and compensate for sources of situational imbalance
Conflicts are the most dangerous sources of an imbalance in your relationship - during a conflict, the balance can be shifted in a drastic, extreme way
In a truly stable and balanced relationship you do not need to think about the balance