To really get why love triangles happen, we need to know the main reasons behind them. A lot of people come to me guessing why their partners cheated. They tell me things their partners said like:
- "I wanted to feel better about myself."
- "I was seeking more variety."
- "I was simply drunk."
- "I felt neglected by you."
- "I wanted to escape our everyday reality."
- "I felt sympathy for that person."
- "You weren't good enough for me."
However, what I've observed is that these articulated reasons typically only scratch the surface. They might be given just to provide some justification. Often, the individual at the center of the love triangle doesn't fully comprehend their own motives. It's more of an instinctive pull, an irresistible urge. Based on my experience, the actual reasons usually boil down to the following:
- Complacency: They aren't afraid of losing you. Over time, they've become so accustomed to your presence that they believe they can engage in an affair without any significant repercussions. Even if you become upset, they assume you'll eventually forgive them.
- Diminishing Attraction: Being overly familiar, predictable, or exceedingly caring can sometimes lead to a waned sense of attraction. The initial spark fades.
- Inherent Character Flaw: There might be an underlying trait in their personality that makes them rationalize the idea of seeking an affair.
These are the three primary enablers of an affair. This is why tactics such as "fighting for them" or "trying to convince them through dialogue" often prove ineffective. They inadvertently feed into the first two factors. If you're constantly vying for their attention, why would they fear losing you
? Moreover, if you're so invested in getting them back, it only reinforces the idea that you're forgiving and will continue to care, regardless of their actions.
Now that we understand the actual reasons, we can create the most effective solution to a love triangle: