Top 10 Ways Your Ex Will Try To Trick You Into Breaking No Contact

S. Smith
Relationship Psychology Tactician


How to deal with provocations - if you want to get your ex back


You will learn:

The most common ways your ex will try to provoke you during no contact
How to determine if a message from your ex is honest and deserves a response
What happens if you break a no contact rule

If your no contact is efficient...

...Your ex will most likely try to provoke you and trick you into breaking it. You can be sure that they will use their cunning, their most insidious tricks to lure you into sending a precious 'how are you ex' message to them. They likely secretly watch your social media and they want all these details about your life, they want to know if you're still waiting for them. If they still have you as their safe landing zone.

If they provoke you, this means that your no contact is actually quite efficient.

They do not know yet that you have the whole arsenal of tactical psychology on your side. Together, we'll recognize the top 10 ways your ex can provoke you:
They ask your friends or relatives about you
They post pictures with you - or with your gift
They post a story that hints to your relationship (or how it ended)
They tag you in posts or photos on social media, like your photos
They block - or unblock you on social media or messengers
They might send you a message - and then delete it instantly
They might start posting multiple photos of their new, "successful" life
They can send you something that reminds you of your relationship - from an unknown number or profile
They might start visit same places as you do
They send you a gift or a postcard

The true reasons why your ex wants you to contact them

A gorgeous and cunning girl thinking standing in a golden dress with a red background
Why they might want to provoke you? Most people think that their exes are doing this because they're:
decided to reunite, but are afraid of rejection
which, of course, is not true. The primary reason is in the header of the article: they want you to break your no contact, to take responsibility again, and to write them something that will give them reassurance that you're still there so they can continue their adventures as long as they want, without any repercussions.

And it doesn't matter how you respond. It's the fact of you responding to a provocation, that matters. It's like a signal: "the second landing zone is still available".

The best response to provocations from your ex (how to respond to 'pings' from your ex)

A smiling girl covering face with her hand on a orange background
Here's the truth: If you respond to a provocation from your ex, you will be starting your no contact from scratch. All over again. Yes, no contact can work a second, and even a third time, but it will require even more time and...why would you need that, anyway?

The best decision is to take a strong position and ignore all their attempts to provoke you, showing them that you've moved on and are not accessible. They would need to perform some hard work for you to notice them. This is how you reverse the power balance in your favor - if you want to get your ex back.

Now, if you've managed to ignore their attempts to provoke you, they will likely to suppress their ambitions and message you or call you AND it will still be a provocation. We call this 'a ping' message, and the whole purpose of ping messages is...you guessed this right, to test your availability. When you receive a message from your ex with a classic 'how are you', or get a call from your ex, you have two choices:

Respond to your ex
Transform your no contact into the ignoring strategy
Subscribe to get a chance for a FREE consultation
We're doing a couple of free consultations each month
By submitting your email you agree with our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use
The choice is up to you, but responding to pings (which is standard no contact advice - you're supposed to politely respond to your ex) doesn't really make sense. No matter how you respond, you're giving them the same "I am here" signal which is counterproductive.

When using the ignoring strategy, you only respond when your ex demonstrates clear signs of regret and a desire to get back with you.


Key Points

The whole purpose of provocations is to force you to break a no contact and play by the rules of your ex
If you message or call your ex, you're breaking your no contact (obviously)
If you noticed your ex using provocations, your no contact is most likely working - they feel the loss of power over you and try to restore it
If your ex pings you, think about transforming your no contact into the ignoring strategy to be even more efficient