Top 10 Ways Your Ex Will Try To Trick You Into Breaking No Contact

By Savva Smith
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How To Deal With Provocations - If You Want to Get Your Ex Back


You will learn:

When and why your ex might start provoking you during no contact
What happens in your ex's mind if you ignore their provokations
How to determine if a message from your ex is honest and deserves a response
Your ex may be silent for now, but according to my experience, there's a high chance they will eventually try to provoke you...especially if you're maintaining no contact.

It's crucial to know how to react, as an improper response could slow down your recovery and harm your chances.

First, we'll uncover the most common provocations out there.

Then, we'll delve into the timing - when might an ex try these tactics?

And the juiciest part: the hidden reasons behind an ex trying to provoke you and shatter your no-contact rule.

Let's uncover their game!

The most common types of provocations your ex might use that you'll never see coming

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First, based on over five years of coaching individuals worldwide, let's explore the most common tactics they might use to provoke you:
They get in touch with your mutual friends or family members, not just casually but persistently, probing about your current emotional state, if you're seeing someone else, or how you're coping after the breakup. For instance, they might ask your best friend if you've been asking about them.
They deliberately post photos on their social media featuring an object or a location that was significant in your relationship, like a snapshot of the necklace you gave them on your first anniversary or a picture at the beach where you both confessed your love for each other.
They craft social media stories or posts that subtly reference key moments in your past relationship or how it ended. It could be as direct as a quote from a movie you both loved or as subtle as sharing the lyrics of 'your' song.
They initiate unnecessary social media interactions. This could be tagging you in posts that remind them of a shared memory or an inside joke, commenting on your posts with cryptic or flirtatious messages, or liking and sharing your old posts and photos.
They suddenly block or unblock you on social media or messaging apps. This move might seem juvenile but it’s designed to get your attention, making you wonder what prompted their decision.
They send you a message only to delete it instantly. This classic move leaves a "message deleted" notification, making you curious and possibly tempting you to ask what the message said.
They go out of their way to portray their life as happy and fulfilled without you. They might post images from a fun night out with new friends, a spontaneous trip to a place you both planned to visit, or a fancy dinner at your favorite restaurant.
They send you something that holds sentimental value to both of you. They might send you a link to a new release from the band you both enjoyed, a photo of a book you used to read together, or a quote that you once mentioned was meaningful to you.
They "coincidentally" start showing up at the same places you frequent. This could range from your gym to your preferred coffee shop, or they might even join a club or activity that you're involved in.
They go as far as sending you a gift or a postcard. The gift might be something that refers to a shared memory, like a plushie from the amusement park you once visited together, or a postcard might come from a city that you planned to explore together.
These provocations, or as we often refer to them, "pings," serve a particular purpose in your ex's mind.

Picture a ping as a radar signal that your ex sends out into the vast ocean of your no contact phase.

It's like they're dropping a pebble into a still pond, waiting to see the ripples that come back.

Each ping is designed to gauge your emotional availability, to see if you're still responsive, if you're still waiting in the wings, and crucially, if you're still emotionally attached to them.

The hidden reasons why your ex will try to provoke you

Brunette man sits at the table near his notebook thinking, his hands on his temples
Based on my experience, I've found that even exes who have remained silent for months during the no contact phase often try to coax you into breaking it.

While this may seem like a playful cat-and-mouse game, it's actually a nuanced psychological tactic that could seriously impact your chances if you're aiming to rekindle the relationship.

More alarmingly, some of these tactics could take a toll on your mental well-being.

These subtle provocations usually start to surface when your ex hits the third stage of no contact - the "Whispers of Doubt" phase.

They intensify during the fourth and fifth stages as your ex navigates the "Waves of Nostalgia" and "Regret".

In particularly tricky situations, they might even attempt to provoke you at every stage, including during a rebound.

If you notice your ex trying to provoke you, take heart - it's a clear sign that your no contact strategy is yielding results.

But why do they resort to such tactics?

Most people think that it's because they're:
shy or lazy
ready to reunite but fear rejection
While these assumptions may sometimes hit the mark, the more prevalent reason is that your ex wants you to break the no contact rule and shoulder responsibility once more.

They're fishing for confirmation that you're still around, ever willing to play the part of the scapegoat for their actions without any repercussions.

This behavior doesn't necessarily paint them as malevolent or bad - it's simply their natural response: They initiated the breakup and now they're wrestling with the temptation to reestablish meaningful contact.

If you were the one constantly making amends or playing the role of the peacemaker during your disputes, they might anticipate that scattering a few breadcrumbs will prompt you to fall back into old patterns and do their bidding once again.

It's crucial to remember this: if they were the ones who ended things and you want them back, it's their responsibility to initiate the first steps towards reconciliation.

Later in this article, we'll explore the potential consequences of responding to a provocation.

So how should you react to these pings without jeopardizing your chances of rekindling the relationship or maintaining your emotional health?

The best response to provocations from your ex

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Let's face it: the truth might seem harsh but it is crucial to understand - if you give in and respond to a provocation from your ex, you'll be essentially hitting the reset button on your no contact journey.

Yes, no contact can work a second, and even a third time, but each restart will demand an additional toll on your time, patience, and emotional strength.

Over the years, through countless cases and heartfelt stories, I've learned that the most effective strategy is to stand firm and choose not to react to these provocations.

Your sustained silence, your unbroken no contact stance will only fuel their curiosity.

They'll be left with lingering questions such as, "What are they doing now?" or "They didn't react to my message...maybe I was wrong about them. Maybe they've grown, changed, become more independent."

And that's where the true magic of the no-contact rule starts to work its wonders.

At this point, it's essential to highlight that resisting these provocations demands significant inner strength, resilience, and determination: it's much like remaining steadfast in the face of a storm, watching as the chaos whirls around you, but choosing to stay rooted, grounded in your resolve.

And as you navigate through this storm, maintaining your silence, you trigger a remarkable chain of events in your ex's mind:

What happens in your ex's mind when you ignore their provocations

A contemplative woman gracefully resting her hands on her temples, deep in thought
In the quiet solitude that your absence creates, they begin to imagine the possibilities. The dream state of reunion begins to take form.

They may start to picture shared laughter over a familiar inside joke, the warmth of shared silences, the comfort of mutual understanding, the sparkle in your eyes when you talk about your passions.

These are the memories that the silence of no contact brings to the forefront of their mind.

They may even begin to dream about how different it would be if they had another chance.

How they would right their wrongs, how they would value the relationship more, how they would love and appreciate you better.

This state can be a potent motivator, encouraging them to reach out and bridge the silence between you both.

This is where your strength and resolve in maintaining the no contact rule pay off!

However, it's important to remember that this is a process, and just like any process, it takes time.

Patience, courage, and confidence in the effectiveness of no contact are crucial during this phase.

There's an enormous chance that your unwavering silence will propel them to the final stage of no contact much quicker - a pattern I've repeatedly seen in my practice.

In the silence that you've created, nostalgia and regret will inevitably creep into their mind.

As readers of my blogs and guides will know, these thoughts of you will amplify your subjective value in their mind, pulling them closer to the idea of you even when you're not physically present.


Key Points

The whole purpose of provocations is to force you to break your no contact and play by the rules of your ex
If you noticed your ex using provocations, your no contact is most likely working - they feel the loss of power over you and try to restore it

Not knowing this astonishing secret practically guarantees the negative experience during no contact:
Not feeling any better
Having relentless thoughts of an ex
Battling those near-impossible-to-resist urges to reach out