What is the Success Rate of No Contact?

By Savva Smith
Chart displaying several factors that influence the success rate of no contact
An image of 5 golden stars


How Often Does No Contact Really Work?


You will learn:

The key factors that significantly influence the success rate of your no contact strategy
How to achieve a success rate of 87% and more: the importance of adjusting negative factors and amplifying positive ones
In the next six minutes, I'll share the statistics I've gathered from over five years of high-profile coaching. However, it's crucial to understand that success rates can change significantly depending on your unique circumstances. Therefore, I'll assist you in adjusting these rates based on the characteristics of your relationship and the specifics of your breakup. Let's dive in:

Top 11 crucial factors that can significantly impact your success rate:

Chart illustrating crucial factors for no contact success

1. Time since breakup

If the breakup is still fresh, the road to reconciliation tends to be less complicated. The feelings, raw and unfiltered, are still lingering just beneath the surface, making it easier for both parties to reconnect emotionally. In such cases, there's usually no need for intricate strategies or complex maneuvers to rekindle the spark.

It's less about excavating long-buried emotions and more about effectively steering the existing ones in the right direction. Just like a wind that needs to be guided to sail the ship, these emotions, if navigated carefully, can bring you back to the harbor of togetherness.

However, delaying the initiation of effective measures can have a substantial negative impact on your chances. Time and actions are essential variables in the delicate equation of reconciliation. A prolonged period of inaction or poorly judged actions can cement the breakup in the ex's mind, making it more challenging to reconnect.

2. Persistence and clinginess

Distressed man earnestly begging indifferent woman to return
Continuously trying to persuade your ex to change their mind or exhibiting excessive clinginess or neediness can work against you. In fact, some people, driven by desperation and fear of loss, resort to extreme actions like waiting for their ex near their workplaces for days. But, let me tell you this - it's a tactic that's destined to fail and is simply not fair to you.

Why is that so? Because logical arguments and factual pleas rarely ever win back someone's heart. Remember, the decision to end a relationship isn't typically based on logic; it's an emotional decision. Trying to overturn it with logical reasoning is akin to using a hammer to fix a broken mirror; it simply doesn't work. Moreover, the lack of control displayed by such actions diminishes your subjective value in your ex's eyes. It paints you as someone who is unable to respect their decisions or boundaries and reinforces their choice to end the relationship. Hence, it's of utmost importance to avoid such behaviors.

What you should aim for is rebuilding the emotional connection that once bound you together. This doesn't mean you have to suppress your emotions. It's natural to feel hurt, confused, and even angry after a breakup. But showing emotional maturity by acknowledging these emotions without letting them control your actions is key. Interestingly, it's often the absence of emotional reactions post-breakup that piques your ex's curiosity and makes them reconsider their decision.

3. Gift giving

Elegant black gift box tied with a shiny golden ribbon
It might be tempting to believe that showering your ex with lavish gifts will spark their affection and speed up the reconciliation process. But I urge you to reconsider. There was a time when your mere presence, your laughter, your shared jokes, and your intimate conversations were the most precious gifts you could offer. These non-tangible gifts represented your shared connection, respect, and emotional intimacy - the true cornerstones of a meaningful relationship.

Now, resorting to extravagant gestures like excessive gift-giving can unintentionally send the wrong message. It might come across as a desperate attempt to buy their affection, which can significantly lower your subjective value in their eyes. This desperate plea for attention can be seen as a sign of insecurity and neediness, feelings that are not conducive to a healthy, balanced relationship.

Moreover, these materialistic attempts can prolong the healing process. Instead of helping them recall the depth of your relationship, it might leave them fixated on the superficiality of these gestures. It might be hard to accept, but true connection can't be bought.

So, take a step back. Reflect on the genuine moments of connection you shared, not the monetary value you can provide. Remember that your worth is not dependent on the price tag of the gifts you give, but on the quality of the connection you once shared. That's what will truly make a difference in the end.

4. Duration of negative behavior

One of the most pivotal factors influencing your success in rekindling the lost connection is the duration you've spent engaging in counterproductive behaviors. Maybe you are still unwittingly continuing these practices, unable to see how they might be damaging your chances. If this resonates with you, it's imperative to put a halt to these behaviors now.

Let me explain why. The more you cling to these negative patterns, the deeper you're entrenching yourself in an undesirable position. Whether it's desperately trying to keep the line of communication open, impulsively showering them with gifts, or excessively thinking about them - each moment spent in these behaviors is reinforcing your ex's perception of you as someone who's unable to move on, who's stuck in the past, who's needy and desperate.

Unfortunately, the longer these behaviors persist, the more the situation worsens. Not only does it compromise your self-esteem and self-worth, but it also lowers your ex's subjective value of you. Their image of you as a confident, independent individual is replaced with that of someone who's constantly seeking their validation and approval. This disparity is detrimental and decreases the likelihood of you successfully winning them back.

So, take a deep breath, pull yourself together, and start making positive changes. It's time to break free from these unproductive patterns and focus on self-improvement and growth. Your journey towards winning back your ex starts with winning back yourself!

5. Self-improvement motivation

Fit man intensively working out, doing push-ups in modern gym
In the context of relationships, there are two types of value: "objective value" and "subjective value". Objective value is the external qualities that can be measured or observed by others. This includes your physical appearance, intelligence, wealth, or any other quantifiable trait. These objective values can initially draw someone to you, but they are not the things that sustain deep, long-term relationships. This is why even people who seem perfect on paper - those with great looks, high intelligence, or immense wealth - can still experience heartbreak.

Subjective value, on the other hand, represents the emotional and personal qualities that make you unique, lovable, and compatible with another person. This could include your sense of humor, the way you listen when your partner is upset, how you make them feel loved and appreciated, your shared memories and experiences, and the emotional support you provide. These are the things that make a relationship meaningful and satisfying in the long run.

If you're trying to improve yourself solely for the sake of winning your ex back, you're likely focused on boosting your objective value. You might be hitting the gym harder, dressing better, or showcasing your successes more prominently. While these improvements aren't inherently bad, they won't increase your subjective value, which is what truly matters for rekindling a relationship.

Moreover, constantly trying to improve for your ex can put them on a pedestal in your mind, enhancing their value and creating an additional imbalance. This will lead to increased anxiety, desperation, and a lack of self-esteem, which ultimately diminish your chances of establishing a satisfying relationship.

Instead, aim to improve yourself for you, not for anyone else. This is actually the key to establishing lasting relationships - and to a happier life, in general. Truly loving and caring for yourself is one of the most important things you can do. You deserve to achieve your fullest potential in all aspects of your life! Embrace a healthy lifestyle to be fit and strong. Cultivate confidence in your abilities and decisions. Seek wealth not only in monetary terms, but also in knowledge, experiences, and meaningful relationships. Strive for personal growth, fortifying your character with resilience, compassion, and wisdom. In essence, seek richness in life, inside and out.

"But what about subjective value?" It increases automatically while you maintain your no contact.

6. New partner / rebound scenario

Two men and a woman sitting on a bench one man being hugged by the woman while she holds hands with the other man
When the one we hold dear decides to leave, the feeling of betrayal can be overwhelming. In my opinion, there are some actions that simply cannot be forgiven.

However, if your ex left you for another partner and yet you still desire to have them back in your life, this could actually be a positive factor, as surprising as it may sound.
In most cases, this new relationship will quickly end. The quality of this new partner is always questionable, as they accepted your ex immediately after a breakup, indicating an impulsive, emotionally-driven choice. Furthermore, if your ex returned to a previous partner who had dumped them, this is an optimal scenario. Usually, their ex will lose interest quickly as they did in the past. So, there's no need to worry.

7. Ex's life circumstances

Your ex's life situation can play a considerable role in determining the success of your no contact strategy. Imagine they've just landed a dream job, received a substantial raise, or hit a personal milestone they've been striving for. These significant events can flood their life with excitement and positivity, potentially overshadowing the emptiness or sorrow they might feel due to your absence.

In such periods of heightened personal accomplishment, the nostalgia and longing that are key to the success of the no contact might be temporarily pushed to the background. They might be too swept up in their success to reflect on your shared past or miss your presence. This doesn't mean they have forgotten about you; it's simply that their attention is momentarily focused elsewhere.

But, life is a roller coaster, filled with ups and downs. Even in times of personal success, they might find themselves thinking about you during quiet moments, or when the initial thrill of their achievement begins to fade.

The following factors are especially important:

8. Relationship duration

The length of your relationship is a significant factor in your attempts to win back your ex. Typically, longer relationships often mean deeper connections, shared memories, and interwoven lives, which can make the thought of moving on daunting for both parties. So if you've spent a considerable amount of time together, this might work to your advantage.

However, don't be disheartened if your relationship was relatively short. Duration is not the sole determinant of a relationship's depth or significance. I've seen relationships that lasted merely a few months, but the emotional bond between the partners was so profound that their connection remained strong even after they split. If your relationship was like this - intense and emotionally charged - you still stand a good chance of rekindling those feelings. The key lies in tapping into those shared emotions and memories, and demonstrating your personal growth and change since the breakup.

9. You're working or studying together

A spacious classical open office space
Being in the same workplace or academic environment as your ex can complicate matters. It can increase the likelihood of making errors in your interactions, particularly if they start a new relationship within the same space. Seeing them every day can be like poking a fresh wound, making it difficult to heal and move forward.

However, in situations like these, it doesn't mean the end of the road. It's crucial to remember that traditional no contact might not be the best solution in this scenario. Instead, we need to adapt and resort to a specific behavioral strategy known as distancing.

Distancing is not about physical distance alone. It is about creating an emotional space where you're less reactive and more responsive. It is about showing through your actions that you respect their decision and are working towards your own growth and well-being. This can be a complex process, requiring thoughtful planning and execution, but it can also present some unique opportunities if handled intelligently and courageously. Remember, sometimes, what appears to be a disadvantage at first glance can transform into a valuable stepping stone if approached from the right perspective.

10. Parental responsibilities

Having children together adds an additional layer of complexity to your situation. On one hand, it can bind you together through shared responsibility and love for your children, which might foster opportunities for reconciliation. On the other hand, it can introduce complications such as disputes over custody or disagreements on parenting styles, which can exacerbate conflicts and make a reunion seem less likely.

I must admit that without knowing the specifics of your situation, it is hard to provide a one-size-fits-all recommendation. What I can tell you, though, is that if you're embarking on this journey with children involved, brace yourself for some tough times ahead. This path will demand patience, resilience, and above all, a relentless focus on the welfare of your children. It is essential to remember that their well-being should always be the priority, regardless of whether you and your ex decide to reunite or part ways permanently.

The key to raising happy children is to be a happy parent yourself. If your kids see you handling life's ups and downs with a smile, displaying unwavering confidence and strength, they will internalize these behaviors. This will shape their worldview, instilling in them the belief that they too can overcome any challenge they face in the future, just like you did. Remember, children learn more from what they see than from what they're told, so set an example of resilience, optimism, and perseverance. Let them know that it's not about never falling, but about always getting back up.

11. Power balance

If there was a period in your relationship, even if just for a few months (though years are certainly better), where balance was achieved, then this greatly enhances the possibility of winning your ex back. Balance here refers to an equilibrium in emotional investments, efforts, and returns.

Think back to a time in your relationship when there was reciprocity; when you were not the only one making all the efforts or running after your partner, or when you weren't the only one emotionally invested while they kept their distance. This period of equilibrium in your relationship is what you should be focusing on.

This balance is indicative of a mutual connection and shared responsibility in the relationship. It shows that there were moments when both of you were equally involved and committed, highlighting that a healthy dynamic can indeed be possible between you two.

If such a balance existed, even for a brief period, that's a very positive sign. It's evidence of a foundation on which a new, healthier relationship can be rebuilt. Remember, the goal is not just to win your ex back, but to establish a more fulfilling, balanced relationship that can stand the test of time.
So, these are the key factors that can significantly influence the success rate of the no contact rule.

What if my situation is complex and there are a lot of negative factors?

A lone man standing tall near the seashore contemplating the sunset
Even if your situation seems dire...

Even if you begged them to stay or humiliated yourself...

And even if you only lived together or dated for a few months.

Don't lose hope. There's still a good chance for reconciliation. This is because a multitude of factors influences the likelihood of getting your ex back, and you can still change some of them. Some of these factors can even open up opportunities for you. Take a deep breath and think things through. There's no rush – you have plenty of time.

You can handle this.

Our success rate soars above 87%. I've been able to achieve this by using strategies that really focus on shrinking the negative factors and magnifying the positive ones. And believe me, you can do this too!

But what about the other 13%? I'm still working on those. In some cases, implementing no contact can take a bit longer, especially when things get complicated. Within this 13%, there's a group that makes up 5% where people have broken no contact more than once. Of course, we can always start no contact again. Yes, it might take a bit longer to get results, but I'm all in to make it work.

Now, you might be thinking, how can you start implementing no contact effectively in your situation? Well, I've got something just for you. I've put together our top tips into a simple, easy-to-use "No Contact: Quickstart Guide". It's designed to help you set off on your own journey with one of the best post-breakup recovery methods. The best part? It's completely free. Just put your email in the box below and I'll send it right over:


Key Points

When assessing the probability of reconciling with your ex, consider crucial factors such as the duration of the relationship, the duration of negative behavior, the power balance between you two, and shared environments. These elements have a significant impact on the success rate of implementing the no contact approach.
Don't lose hope, even if your situation seems dire. Whether you lived together or dated for a few months, there is still a good chance for reconciliation. Numerous factors come into play, influencing the likelihood of getting your ex back.
Strive for a balanced relationship dynamic. Avoid being overly dependant, as an imbalance of power is the main reason why breakups happen.