Does Silence Make the Dumper Miss You?

If you're in no contact, or thinking about starting it, this article was written specifically for you. After reading it, you'll be able to determine if your silence is making your ex miss you. There are two simple factors that determine whether your ex experiences nostalgia or not. Once you understand these factors, your situation will become much clearer. Let's dive in:

What makes our partners miss us? What causes them to reminisce? Reminiscence is closely connected to one of the most powerful forces in our arsenal: nostalgia. To uncover this force, let's first understand what triggers nostalgia.

Three components work together to produce nostalgia:

1. Mirror, Mirror.
Think of nostalgia as standing in front of a magical mirror that transports you back in time. The first component is self-reflection. We're the main characters in this personal time travel movie, and how we see ourselves in those past episodes significantly shapes the current feeling of nostalgia. It's like rewatching our favorite film, where we're the star, director, and lived every moment!

2. Time Machine of the Mind.
Next, we have the secret fuel that powers this mirror - our autobiographical memory. It's like a time machine, whisking us through the hallways of our past, helping us revisit our former selves, and providing the content for our nostalgic journeys.

3. The Sweet Reward
Finally, we arrive at the cherry on top of our nostalgic sundae: reward. Similar to how our brains light up when we bite into our favorite dessert, the generally positive emotions triggered by nostalgia act as a satisfying reward. Research indicates that nostalgia is linked to motivation and reward-seeking behavior. It's like our brain giving us a high five for revisiting fond memories, engaging brain regions associated with pleasure and satisfaction.

So, that's the journey of nostalgia, a blend of self-reflection, memory, and reward - an unforgettable roller-coaster ride through the theme park of our past.

Now you can see that for your ex to experience nostalgia about something, you only really need:

For your ex to experience nostalgia about something, that something should be:

1. A positive experience
2. In the past

Can you see where I'm going with this?

First of all, it doesn't matter if there were negative aspects in your relationship. They will eventually be forgotten. The positive moments, on the other hand, will be amplified.

Even more so, neutral events, or slightly negative experiences can be perceived as pleasant and good times. Remember your school, or university, first job, or even the army? I bet during those early days, you might not have liked it. But if you had a chance to go back in time for a week or two, wouldn't you agree to try it?

The second key component is that the thing should be in the past. This sounds like an obvious requirement, but it's not that straightforward when it comes to breakups. If you remind your ex of yourself by texting, calling, or even by liking their photos on social media, your relationship won't truly be a thing of the past. It will be on the surface.

To ensure that the nostalgia will kick in, and will kick in swiftly, we have to give them the most potent signal we can imagine: silence. And here's what, based on my experience, will be unfolding in your ex's mind if you maintain silence:

The timeline varies depending on the quantity of negative interactions between you two, and the balance in your relationship. Initially, they may not seem bothered, as they are preoccupied with establishing their "new" life. However, after a while, they may feel a pang of sadness, though not necessarily because of you. This will trigger a desire to check up on you, leading them to send a message - or, if they're somewhat stubborn, simply thinking about you more and more. This will eventually evolve into frustration, because they will sense that the balance between you two is shifting and they are losing control over you.

At this point, they might even send you an angry message. But following this stage, they transition into the nostalgia phase.

Do you know what comes next? Regret. This is when they attempt to reconnect with you. That's the power of silence after a breakup.