Restoring relationships of any complexity
Is No Contact Permanent?
4 MIN READ
By Savva Smith
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Is There an Expiry Date for the No Contact Rule, or Is It Indefinite?
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You will learn:
The underlying mechanism of no contact that can lead to its permanent implementation
A simple tactic that can transform your no contact journey, preventing it from becoming a permanent state
Emerging from the emotional labyrinth after a relationship's end feels like navigating through a dense and shadowy forest.
The overwhelming impulse to win back your ex morphs into an all-consuming fire, leading you to wander deeper into the wilderness of desperation.
If this journey has you asking, "Does no contact really work?" and "When will it be over?" take a moment to breathe - you're not alone on this path, and in this article, I'll guide you towards the exit.
Your question of whether no contact is a permanent strategy is crucial. It holds the key to implementing successful no contact.
If you master this key aspect, you could save yourself months of heartache. Allow me to explain:
The overwhelming impulse to win back your ex morphs into an all-consuming fire, leading you to wander deeper into the wilderness of desperation.
If this journey has you asking, "Does no contact really work?" and "When will it be over?" take a moment to breathe - you're not alone on this path, and in this article, I'll guide you towards the exit.
Your question of whether no contact is a permanent strategy is crucial. It holds the key to implementing successful no contact.
If you master this key aspect, you could save yourself months of heartache. Allow me to explain:
Is it possible to prevent permanent no contact?
Is it possible to prevent permanent no contact?
Our minds work in a remarkably straightforward manner: the more you think about someone, the more value they hold in your consciousness. This begins a cyclical process: the more value they have, the more you find reasons to dwell on them.
You start to overanalyze past interactions, pondering over things you could have done differently, and questioning whether no contact is effective or if you need to communicate your newfound understanding to your ex.
All these thoughts amplify their value in your mind, making you feel more dependent and consequently less attractive.
The fact that they chose to leave only intensifies this, making them a sort of forbidden fruit. And remember, this happens automatically; it's not something you can easily control.
If you find yourself continually thinking about your ex, this is likely what will happen: no contact will work on your ex - your value in their mind will be restored, as will the attraction.
However, in your mind, their value will skyrocket.
When they eventually reach out, making that initial, tentative step towards reconciliation that we all anticipate post-breakup, it will be challenging to contain your emotions.
Even if you manage to restrain yourself and react cautiously, they will still sense your emotional state.
And trust me, this state is almost impossible to conceal in a face-to-face meeting. I've seen it time and again with my clients.
They learn about no contact, either implementing it independently or with the guidance of a coach.
No contact works and their exes reach out.
However, despite reconnecting and meeting up, they often face the painful experience of a second breakup.
It's completely normal to keep thinking about things or our ex-partners.
If you can't stop thinking about your ex, that's just your human nature kicking in.
But there's something crucial about the no contact rule that we often forget: to make it work for your good, you have to make an effort to shift your emotions away from your old relationship.
You might be wondering how you do that. It might sound strange, but you have to start treating the no contact period as if it could last forever.
It's about changing your mindset from thinking it's a short break to accepting it as a long-term period for personal growth and self-discovery.
This could be tough to take in, especially when you're still hoping to get back together and your feelings for your ex are still strong.
But it's in this strange twist that the real power of the no contact rule comes to light:
You start to overanalyze past interactions, pondering over things you could have done differently, and questioning whether no contact is effective or if you need to communicate your newfound understanding to your ex.
All these thoughts amplify their value in your mind, making you feel more dependent and consequently less attractive.
The fact that they chose to leave only intensifies this, making them a sort of forbidden fruit. And remember, this happens automatically; it's not something you can easily control.
If you find yourself continually thinking about your ex, this is likely what will happen: no contact will work on your ex - your value in their mind will be restored, as will the attraction.
However, in your mind, their value will skyrocket.
When they eventually reach out, making that initial, tentative step towards reconciliation that we all anticipate post-breakup, it will be challenging to contain your emotions.
Even if you manage to restrain yourself and react cautiously, they will still sense your emotional state.
And trust me, this state is almost impossible to conceal in a face-to-face meeting. I've seen it time and again with my clients.
They learn about no contact, either implementing it independently or with the guidance of a coach.
No contact works and their exes reach out.
However, despite reconnecting and meeting up, they often face the painful experience of a second breakup.
It's completely normal to keep thinking about things or our ex-partners.
If you can't stop thinking about your ex, that's just your human nature kicking in.
But there's something crucial about the no contact rule that we often forget: to make it work for your good, you have to make an effort to shift your emotions away from your old relationship.
You might be wondering how you do that. It might sound strange, but you have to start treating the no contact period as if it could last forever.
It's about changing your mindset from thinking it's a short break to accepting it as a long-term period for personal growth and self-discovery.
This could be tough to take in, especially when you're still hoping to get back together and your feelings for your ex are still strong.
But it's in this strange twist that the real power of the no contact rule comes to light:
For no contact to be temporary, you must prepare as if it's going to be permanent!
For no contact to be temporary, you must prepare as if it's going to be permanent!
Making this kind of resolution requires an exceptional level of bravery and dedication. But since you've taken the time to read this far, I believe you are one of those committed individuals.
For no contact to work both for you and your ex, you need to make a bold and deliberate decision: you will not be the one to initiate contact, nor will you entertain the idea of a reunion until your ex makes multiple sincere attempts at reconciliation.
It's like setting a personal rule that you'll only respond to their texts or calls when they show consistent interest in mending the relationship, rather than just dropping a casual "Hey, how's it going?" message out of the blue.
Your ex will, in time, recognize their mistake.
They'll come to appreciate your true worth and will reach out to you.
They might even want to get back together.
Be assured that these outcomes are certain.
They are a done deal.
And that's exactly why you're not going to allow yourself to dwell on these possibilities.
As far as you're concerned, your no contact period is permanent until proven otherwise.
There will be no steps backward, only forward.
Just imagine it like you're embarking on a long journey, and looking back isn't an option.
You're only focused on what lies ahead - a stronger, more resilient, and more fulfilled version of yourself.
To help yourself shift your emotional gaze away from the rearview mirror of your past relationship and towards the open road of the future, throw yourself into activities that demand your wholehearted engagement.
Consider trying out thrilling pastimes like motorbiking or martial arts, that not only require your physical effort but also your mental acuity.
It could even be diving headfirst into a new career or kick-starting that business idea that's been lingering at the back of your mind for a while.
It's about immersing yourself in any new endeavor that stirs your curiosity and gives you a sense of purpose.
Even if you have to go through the motions in the beginning, do it anyway. Keep telling your mind that you're moving towards establishing a fulfilling relationship with yourself first, and that's why there's no need to dwell on the past.
It's like giving your mind a clear message: "Hey, we're not going back there. We have a whole new world to explore right here, right now."
This is a difficult task, no doubt, but remember, it's often the most challenging tasks that bring about the most rewarding transformations.
With time, your mind will gradually accept this new reality. It's like training a muscle: the more you practice redirecting your thoughts, the better you'll get at it.
Just like a marathon runner who builds endurance with every mile, every small step you take away from your past will bring you closer to a stronger, happier, and more independent future.
And then, something tremendously important will occur: the balance between you and your ex will be restored in your mind as well.
When your ex decides they want to reconcile, you'll either welcome them back, emanating calmness and confidence, or you'll choose to part ways - permanently, because you know you deserve better.
As I've seen in countless cases, the decision will be entirely yours.
For no contact to work both for you and your ex, you need to make a bold and deliberate decision: you will not be the one to initiate contact, nor will you entertain the idea of a reunion until your ex makes multiple sincere attempts at reconciliation.
It's like setting a personal rule that you'll only respond to their texts or calls when they show consistent interest in mending the relationship, rather than just dropping a casual "Hey, how's it going?" message out of the blue.
Your ex will, in time, recognize their mistake.
They'll come to appreciate your true worth and will reach out to you.
They might even want to get back together.
Be assured that these outcomes are certain.
They are a done deal.
And that's exactly why you're not going to allow yourself to dwell on these possibilities.
As far as you're concerned, your no contact period is permanent until proven otherwise.
There will be no steps backward, only forward.
Just imagine it like you're embarking on a long journey, and looking back isn't an option.
You're only focused on what lies ahead - a stronger, more resilient, and more fulfilled version of yourself.
To help yourself shift your emotional gaze away from the rearview mirror of your past relationship and towards the open road of the future, throw yourself into activities that demand your wholehearted engagement.
Consider trying out thrilling pastimes like motorbiking or martial arts, that not only require your physical effort but also your mental acuity.
It could even be diving headfirst into a new career or kick-starting that business idea that's been lingering at the back of your mind for a while.
It's about immersing yourself in any new endeavor that stirs your curiosity and gives you a sense of purpose.
Even if you have to go through the motions in the beginning, do it anyway. Keep telling your mind that you're moving towards establishing a fulfilling relationship with yourself first, and that's why there's no need to dwell on the past.
It's like giving your mind a clear message: "Hey, we're not going back there. We have a whole new world to explore right here, right now."
This is a difficult task, no doubt, but remember, it's often the most challenging tasks that bring about the most rewarding transformations.
With time, your mind will gradually accept this new reality. It's like training a muscle: the more you practice redirecting your thoughts, the better you'll get at it.
Just like a marathon runner who builds endurance with every mile, every small step you take away from your past will bring you closer to a stronger, happier, and more independent future.
And then, something tremendously important will occur: the balance between you and your ex will be restored in your mind as well.
When your ex decides they want to reconcile, you'll either welcome them back, emanating calmness and confidence, or you'll choose to part ways - permanently, because you know you deserve better.
As I've seen in countless cases, the decision will be entirely yours.
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Key Points
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To make no contact work, it's crucial to prepare yourself for a permanent no contact. This mindset shift will help divert your emotional focus away from the relationship and towards personal growth and healing.
Understanding and addressing the emotional imbalance that existed between you and your ex-partner is critical for speeding up recovery. No contact helps restore this balance and reignite the lost attraction.
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