If you find yourself in one of the following scenarios, please understand that the "no contact" approach might not have failed you:1. Your ex remains silent:
If that's the case, I assure you, it's normal. There are countless parameters that affect your ex's behavior during no contact. They might be silent because they're simply having a good time. We all know that life is not that simple, which is why they usually reach out when their bright days turn into dark ones. It might also be that they're at a stage of no contact when exes are typically silent. For example, if they're in stage one, they typically experience relief and have no reason to reach out to you. Therefore, for them to start thinking about you again and to finally decide to reach out, we just need to give it a bit more time.2. Your ex has been silent for a LONG time and/or blocked you:
Okay, if they've been silent for a LONG time, the situation is slightly different. However, I'm not saying it's "more complex" - just different. Usually, if they've been silent for many months, it indicates they are either extremely stubborn or they're in a rebound relationship. Rebounds do occur, and someday I'll write an in-depth article about them. But for now, know that I've never encountered a case where a rebound evolved into a serious, long-term relationship. And I'm speaking from the experience of having observed (as of 2023) over a thousand cases. So even in this scenario, all we need to get them thinking about you, missing you, and truly feeling your absence - is a bit more time.3. You broke your no contact once or twice:
Listen, everyone does this to some extent. It doesn't prevent exes from coming back. The worst-case scenario is that there will be a delay. When you break no contact
, it causes your ex to refocus on the day of your breakup. They remember all the reasons they had for leaving, which delays their progression through the subsequent stages of no contact. However, this isn't the end of the world. 4. You couldn't maintain no contact and resorted to begging:
Most of my clients approach me after reaching this stage. I'll be frank: the complexity of the situation typically exceeds the average. But it's not because begging might push your ex further away
, making it seem like they'll never reconsider. Rather, it's because such behavior usually indicates that the breakup deeply affected you. The pain is palpable, your days are often consumed with longing and memories, and you can't stop thinking about them. Thus, the primary concern adding to this complexity isn't about your ex (who often still contemplates reconciliation) but about you. If you don't prioritize your own well-being, you risk continually breaking no contact, jeopardizing both your mental and physical health. That's why the most crucial aspect of no contact is concentrating on your personal healing.5. You ex told you that they will never get back with you:
Sometimes, it feels like our partners, for whatever reason, want to inflict pain as they part ways. They may utter hurtful words, casting us as the root of their misery. Statements like "You wasted my life," "I don't love you anymore," or "I will never get back with you," can make it seem like nothing - and I truly mean nothing - can sway their conviction. And you're right. Only they
can change their own minds. This shift in perspective has to come from within them. From my experience, any effort to convince them they've erred or to deny their assertions typically backfires, only reinforcing their belief in their decision. However, the moment you grant them space and embrace no contact, they're left to grapple with the ramifications of their choice. Soon, they realize that the true source of their discontent lies within themselves. It wasn't about you; it was about their internal struggles. With time, they'll recognize that life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. If you truly shared a special bond, they will begin to question the correctness of their decision.
So, whether you find yourself in one, several, or even all of these situations, understand that no contact hasn't failed. This realization should allow you to exhale and shift your attention to what's genuinely essential - your own well-being.