Why Accepting Friendship from Your Ex is a Losing Move

Savva Smith
Entrepreneur, Coach


Why Agreeing To Be Friends With Your Ex-Partner Will Have Disastrous Consequences For Your Future Success And Happiness


You will learn:

The real reasons why an ex-partner might suggest remaining friends after a breakup
The consequences of accepting a friendship with an ex-partner and how it can impact their future success and happiness
Accepting a friendship proposal from an ex-partner may seem like a harmless decision, but it can have far-reaching consequences for your future success and happiness - especially, if you want to restore your relationship. In this article, we will explore the real reasons behind your ex's friendship offer and the potential impact on your life if you accept it.

Why do ex-partners offer friendship?

Distraught man in a cafe, imploring a disinterested woman to reconsider their relationship
There are three main reasons why your ex may suggest remaining friends:
Your objective value: They see value in keeping you close for practical reasons, such as your skills, resources, or connections.
Keeping you as a backup: They might be uncertain about their new relationship and want a safety net in case it doesn't work out.
Comfortable breakup: They want to avoid the negative aspects of a breakup.
The friendship proposal is a way for your ex to ensure they can still benefit from your presence while they transition to a new relationship. Period.

What happens if you accept their friendship?

Man triumphantly raising his hands while standing on a mountain during a breathtaking sunset
1. Hindered recovery and pain
If you agree to be friends with your ex, you will face a more difficult recovery process. Your hopes for reconciliation will keep you from moving on, and you will inevitably witness your ex dating other people. This can be incredibly painful and make it nearly impossible for you to heal and find happiness.

2. Zero chance of getting them back
When someone breaks up with you, your subjective value in their eyes is already quite low. If you agree to a friendship, your subjective value will drop even further. To restore it to a level that could potentially win them back, you'll need to employ the no-contact or ignoring strategy.

3. The danger to your future success
Accepting a friendship when you desire a romantic relationship can sabotage your future success. Your brain constantly evaluates your position within your social circle. If you allow yourself to be treated poorly or accept a lower status, your subconscious will adjust your decision-making accordingly. This diminished sense of self-worth will hinder your ability to pursue new relationships, secure better jobs, or achieve general success. You may find yourself feeling unworthy, experiencing imposter syndrome, or lacking confidence even when you accomplish your goals.

How can you avoid this fate?

Reunited couple walking hand-in-hand during sunset
When someone fails to value you, it's important to stand up for yourself. You can give them one chance to correct their mistake, but if they don't, it's time to remove them from your life. Ignore them until they show sincere regret for their actions. If you're hesitant to take decisive action, you can consider using the no contact approach as an alternative. Only once the power balance between you is restored, will they attempt to re-establish a relationship with you.

Don't wait for them to come back to you. Focus on becoming stronger and improving yourself. By setting boundaries and asserting your worth, you can avoid the pitfalls of accepting a friendship with your ex and set yourself up for future success and happiness.


Key Points

Accepting a friendship with an ex will hinder your recovery process and make it harder to move on - and almost impossible - to get them back
Agreeing to be friends with an ex will negatively affect your self-worth, leading to limitations in personal and professional growth.
To avoid these consequences, assert your self-worth and set boundaries by giving your ex one chance to correct their mistake; if they fail to do so, remove them from your life and focus on your own growth and happiness.