Your Loved One Asked For A Pause

Savva Smith
Entrepreneur, Coach


How To Spot A Breakup In Disguise


You will learn:

The true meaning and underlying reasons behind a "pause" in a relationship
Strategy for effectively handling and improving the situation when a "pause" is suggested by your partner
First, let's make it clear. Your loved one couldn't ask for a pause. If they did, it's not true love. True love doesn't need a vacation from you. It doesn't require a free evening to escape from your presence or a trip to Turkey with "friends". I'll even be more radical: true love doesn't require clubbing every other night without you, too.

So, what is the reason for their request for a pause?

This is why your partner asked for a pause

man in a suit spying through binoculars
A "pause" is an easy way of breaking up with you, without having to deal with the negative aspects of a traditional breakup - such as needing to find logical reasons and explain them to you. Your partner doesn't want to have that conversation, they just want out. Without any repercussions.

If your partner has asked for a pause, it's a sign that your subjective value in their eyes is at the zero level. If you agree to a pause, you are accepting this low value. Don't make that mistake. This position is not for you. The only thing worse than this position is accepting the friendship.

The most sinister motive behind your partner's request for a pause most people do not expect

Brunette girl thinking pointing her finger at her head

It's not a rare case when they ask for a pause to test their new option. For example, their colleague showed them some attention. Since you are in a weak position, they're searching for alternative options. But they're afraid to leave you straight away. They want to be comfortable. So, they ask for a pause to be sure that if their new option fails, they will be able to safely get back to you.

Decoding your partner's emotions during a pause

Stunning brunette girl looking through blinds spying
A pause allows your ex/partner to reduce stress from the breakup. That's all. As you hold on to hope and prepare for the next chapter, your couple will be moving on and planning their next relationship. And they will feel safe and secure knowing you're waiting for them. Also, don't expect them to experience nostalgia during the pause - they haven't truly lost you - yet. They have you on a leash, as you wait for them. So, don't hold out hope that they'll miss you.

Meanwhile, your affection and emotional attachment will only grow stronger, leading to a painful anticipation of the pause's end. Your already vulnerable and weak position will deteriorate further. Don't let yourself be trapped in a cycle of false hope and heartache. Instead, take control.

Navigating the "pause" with a soft approach

Stunning brunette girl looking through blinds spying
This approach is for those who are not quite ready for drastic measures but still want to avoid being taken advantage of. It might work if they still have some feelings for you or at least do not really hate you.

You're going no contact. That's right, you're not waiting for the pause to end and stop initiating any communication with your partner. If they text you or call you, you might respond, but do it in a neutral way, without discussing your relationship.

What to expect: they will be caught off guard. If they have no other options or their new choice doesn't work out, they might start reaching out to you more frequently. And maybe... just maybe... they'll try to rekindle things. But without taking any proactive steps, the likelihood of them ending things with you again will remain high, leaving you in a weak position as before.

The ultimate way to winning in a pause situation

Man and woman sit on the top of the mountain together
As always, the most effective way is usually the ruthless one. This is the recommended way if you want to significantly improve your position. Below is an example of what you might say...But please, be creative. The best approach is when you turn on your imagination and create something unique - instead of just following time-tested patterns.
Your partner:
I think we should take a break...I need some space...to figure things out.
Okay, I think you're right...You know, I was on the fence...but now that you brought it up...I have to say that a pause is not what we need. I think it's best if we bring our relationship to a close.
And then you either enter no contact - or the ignoring strategy right away. Done. They will be astonished, but don't assume they'll immediately fight for you. They may believe that you're not being sincere and that you'll soon reach out to them, apologizing and begging for forgiveness like a typical "good boy" or "good girl".

Breaking up with someone who suggests taking a pause is the best strategy for several reasons:
You're taking control of the situation. You're not being victimized.
It eliminates the anticipation and uncertainty of waiting for the relationship to resume
It prevents you from becoming a backup plan for your partner, should they choose to move on during the pause
When someone suggests a pause in your relationship, it's important to understand that it's not a sign of a healthy relationship. It's a way for them to reduce stress and distance themselves from you without the need to find rational reasons or explain themselves.

It's a sign that your partner does not have the same level of commitment and affection for you. In most cases, the breakup is inevitable at this point. So, breaking up with them is usually better than waiting for the pause to end. As a result, you will avoid anticipation, stress, and risk of being their backup plan.


Key Points

Pausing a relationship means softly breaking up
Waiting for the pause to end can lead to more emotional pain and a weaker position in the relationship
Breaking up with a partner who suggests a pause is a proactive way to take control of the situation (which speeds up your no contact)