The truth is, if you're reading this article
, chances are, you were more emotionally invested in your relationship than your partner was. Breakups rarely occur on "equal terms." They left, and you're here, and it sucks. This emotional investment, this "bond," isn't metaphorical or some mystical "love" notion, it's a literal chemical - hormonal, to be precise - connection. The more emotionally invested you were, and the less your partner was, the more painful this "bond" is. And since your partner is not close, what you experience can be described as basically hormonal withdrawal. It's painful and unpredictable. It usually catches you off guard when you least expect it:Sometimes you may feel okay, but then
, one evening, or even one morning, your whole body starts protesting, and all your thoughts are consumed by your ex. You might find yourself thinking about how great your ex is, ruminating over the mistakes you might have made during the relationship, wondering about the potential outcomes had you avoided those mistakes, and questioning what would happen if you texted or called them. What if your ex responds, and maybe, if you find the right words, they will change their mind?However, especially if you've already tried convincing your ex to come back
, you might realize this approach doesn't work, but the withdrawal is so intense that you still reach for your phone. You know it's not healthy for you, but you still text. So, we're essentially dealing with addiction withdrawal from your ex. To combat it, we need very specific and powerful actions. Without action, even if you feel better for a week or two, the next wave of withdrawal will hit you, and it will hit you hard.
I'll go even further. Maybe your coach didn't tell you this, but the primary goal while in no contact
is to heal this addiction. This is actually the main goal. Without healing the addiction, your recovery will be slow, and a reunion, if you desire it, will simply not be possible. That's why some people resist the urge to text their ex, maintain no contact for months, and then wonder why their ex hasn't returned. That's because nothing has changed since the breakup. This hormonal addiction compels them to over-invest repeatedly and to find themselves once again in a weak, dependent position - the same position that led to the breakup. So, this isn't just a side-quest, it's the main quest.
How do you fight addiction? One common method people use daily is: