• website icon
Smith's Power Consulting logo depicting two hearts
Restoring relationships of any complexity
7 MIN READ

The Power of the Ignoring Strategy: When No Contact is Not Enough

Savva Smith
Entrepreneur, Coach
»

How To Accelerate Healing In The Most Difficult Breakup And Divorce Situations

»

You will learn:

The concept of the ignoring strategy as a more effective approach to moving on from a relationship (or getting your ex back) compared to traditional no contact method
How to identify scenarios in which the ignoring strategy is especially effective
The importance of not responding to pings
The ignoring strategy is a powerful tool for those who are trying to move on from a relationship, especially in situations where the relationship ended due to infidelity or being left for someone else. The concept of the ignoring strategy is simple, but it is often overlooked in favor of the more traditional no contact approach. This strategy involves not responding to any pings from your ex. The reason why this approach is more effective than simply cutting off all contact is that it sends a clear message that you will not tolerate any further hurtful behavior.
Top Question
But Coach Bruce™ said that my ex will move on if I ignore them...
Answer:
If you're familiar with the process, you know that they do not really "move on". Responding to pings from a person who has cheated on you or simply betrayed you makes it appear as though you're still invested in the relationship. Imagine how it would look if they cheated on you and then sent a casual "how are you?" message, and you respond happily. The only powerful response to such behavior is complete and utter silence.

Should you respond to pings from your ex if you want to get them back?

Brunette man checking his mobile phone standing near his car

Pings are messages or calls from your ex that are meant to test your availability and see if you're still waiting for them to come back.

They simply text you or call you
They ask your friends about you
They tag you in posts or photos on social media, like your photos

As you can see, some pings may be disguised - for example, when an ex tries to gather information about you through your friends or relatives. In reality, they hope for you to initiate contact first. This is because they assume that you still desire their attention: "Wow, my ex asked about me. They must miss me. I should call them!" - and just like that, you've broken your no contact rule.


When you respond to a ping, it gives your ex the impression that you are still "there for them" and can reset the no contact process. This is why responding to pings can be so detrimental to the healing process. By not responding, you are taking control of the situation and making it clear that you are not going to be swayed by their attempts to contact you. This is especially important in situations where your ex left you for someone else or was unfaithful.

The benefits of the ignoring strategy in terms of emotional healing

Siluette of a mighty lion on a mountain in grayscale
The ignoring strategy has benefits in terms of emotional healing. During no contact, when you are constantly responding to messages or calls from your ex, it can be difficult to take a step back and focus on yourself. The ignoring strategy allows you to focus on your own well-being, rather than getting caught up in the drama of the relationship. When you don't respond to pings, your ex can't use your reactions to manipulate you or play games. This can be helpful in situations where your ex is trying to control the situation or make you feel guilty for moving on.

By not responding, you are showing that you are in control and that you are not going to let your ex have power over you. You've had enough of their nonsense. You will only notice their advances when they have clearly demonstrated an understanding of their mistakes and express a genuine desire to reunite.

When to use the ignoring strategy

A sad, beautiful brunette girl in a black dress with a couple in the background forming a love triangle
The ignoring strategy is especially effective in situations where the relationship ended due to infidelity or where they simply leave you for someone else. And it can be beneficial in any situation where you are trying to cut ties with your ex.

The ignoring strategy allows you to take control of the situation, focus on your own well-being, and avoid the appearance of being hurt and needy. It's important to remember that some mistakes can't be forgiven and the ignoring strategy can help you put distance between yourself and the person who hurt you, and move on with your life.
»

Key Points

»
The ignoring strategy is one of the most powerful approaches for dealing with breakups
Responding to pings undermines the whole purpose of no contact rule and can give your ex the impression that you're still available
The ignoring strategy is especially effective in situations where the relationship ended due to infidelity or where they leave you for someone else
»