When Will Your Ex Contact You?

Savva Smith
Entrepreneur, Coach


Decoding the Timing, Motivations, and Responses When Your Ex Reaches Out


You will learn:

When can you expect your ex to reach out
What are the common reasons an ex-partner might reach out to you after a breakup
How should you handle a text from an ex to maintain a position of strength in the situation?
Have you ever found yourself constantly checking your phone, waiting for a message from your ex? The anticipation can be unbearable, and the uncertainty surrounding their motives can be even more unnerving. In this article, we'll shed light on the factors that influence when your ex might text you, the reasons behind their messages, and how to respond in a way that serves your best interests.

Identifying the moments when your ex is likely to text you

Elegant sad brunette woman enjoying a glass of red wine at a table
There are several factors to consider in determining when your ex might text you, and I would need more information about your specific situation. However, generally speaking, ex-partners tend to reach out when:
Life has thrown them a curveball (e.g., a rebound relationship ended, or they experienced a conflict and seek comfort from you)
They need their stuff back
They've forgotten the negative aspects of the breakup
Interestingly, our experience shows that the best way to receive a message from an ex is actually to forget about them first. It may sound paradoxical or magical, but once you've moved on, that's often when they'll reach out.

Unraveling the reasons behind your ex's messages

Beautiful brunette woman checking her phone, anticipating a message
Here's a crucial fact: in most cases, especially if the breakup was recent, exes don't text because they want to reconcile. Instead, they're seeking:
Validation from you – reassurance that you're still there and ready to respond (even if they were the ones who left or cheated)
Emotional comfort, as their life without you may not be as fulfilling (especially, if they quickly transitioned to a new relationship)
The different reasons typically emerge when you maintain no contact, an ignoring strategy, or distancing for a significant period of time. Several months is the bare minimum. Only then can your ex-partner seriously reminisce about your past and reconsider their decision. However, for this to happen, you must remain consistent.

Navigating the intricacies of responding to your ex's texts

Thoughtful brunette woman sitting at a table with a laptop, contemplating her response
Responding to an ex's message is a complex topic. Some online relationship counseling experts recommend replying politely to avoid pushing them away. However, our experience indicates that responding to trivial messages or provocations when you want to get your ex back can actually drive them further away, as it suggests you're still in a weak position. An additional drawback of responding is that it causes you to ponder over how to reply, and the more you think about your ex, the higher their subjective value becomes in your eyes. This increases your anxiety and slows down the recovery process.

Typically, when you respond, the conversation gradually fades away, and they lose interest or abruptly stop messaging you right after receiving a response. Even in cases where it appeared they wanted something from you, the moment you respond, their need vanishes.

Ultimately, the decision is yours. If you believe that answering a casual "how are you" after being cheated on will help win them back, go for it.
In the ever-evolving world of relationships and breakups, understanding the dynamics of communication with your ex is crucial. Whether you're seeking closure, reconciliation, or simply trying to make sense of it all, knowing when and why your ex might reach out, and how to respond effectively, can be empowering. We will discuss effective response strategies for various situations in future articles.


Key Points

Understanding the underlying motives behind your ex's messages can help you make informed decisions on how to respond, if at all.
Consistently maintaining no contact, ignoring strategies, or distancing for an extended period will lead to your ex-partner seriously reminiscing about the past and reconsidering their decision.