When you are responding to 'how are you?' from your ex, who left you, who caused you great pain, who basically betrayed you (and your kids, if you have them), you're manifesting the "I am still here for you" message.
And it doesn't matter how you respond.
It's the fact of
you messaging your ex that matters. The power balance, that started to shift to your advantage, is reset to zero again. You're starting from scratch. Why? The first reason - you gave up. You couldn't resist the temptation to respond to your ex. The second reason - when you respond,
your ex gets reassurance that they can continue their experiments in their new life without you, without any repercussion.
They can try new options, and new partners, and if they fail them, your ex will be able to just text you, to have a casual chat, and maybe reunite with you - not now, not after 3-4 months (which is an average time lapse of getting your ex back after my consultation), but after a couple of years of their 'adventures'. When you're executing this part of 'no contact', you're playing
the role of a safe landing zone for your ex. Their ping messages are mere checks of your availability. When you signal that you're still there, their emotional state is being reset, any signs of reminiscence and nostalgia are disappearing, and they safely continue their flight to Istanbul, Dubai, Alabama, or to wherever they'd like to 'try' some new 'landing' zones.